inner vs. outer knowing
I’ve been sleeping really well lately (not an accident, I’ve got intentional things I do that help my body balance and relax, which feels amazing!), so when I woke up feeling really rested, ready to start my day, and saw that the clock said 1:04 am, I was completely confused!!! lol
I tried to go back to sleep, but all the markers were there for it being time to wake up - I was feeling hungry, thirsty, and my mind was alive … not racing, but I could feel it was awake and ready to go.
I looked at the clock again thinking I must have read it wrong, and no, it was still 1am, just a few minutes past when I had originally looked. More confusion.
How could I be feeling so awake at 1am? I actually went to bed last night a bit later than I normally do … how could my body have gotten enough rest in such a short amount of time?
Then I went on to: there must be something wrong with me - something wrong with my own perception …
See where I’m going with this? I questioned MYSELF, not the clock.
I picked up my phone to see what was going on, and my phone said it was 5:33! now I was thoroughly confused, still thinking it was 1am, wondering how I was awake and how my phone thought it was 5:30…
It took me a hot minute to clue into the fact that the power must have gone out, and my clock was reflecting *that*, and that me and my phone were actually right.
Ok, problem solved … but do you see what happened there??
Do you see how easy it was for something OUTSIDE MYSELF to make me question my own knowing??
It’s exactly the same as other experiences I’ve had where I *know* something is off with someone and they’re telling me everything is fine - and I deem I must be crazy or misperceiving it. Or I’m not ok with something that’s going on but someone else who is involved is telling me everything is “fine” and I’m “fine” (I hate the word FINE! ) and so on …
This seemingly insignificant experience with time this morning made me realize how often we look outside of ourselves to validate what we already know to be true on the inside, and how easy it is to falter and doubt ourselves if that validation doesn’t come.
I’ve met a lot of people in my life, and most of them - myself included - have always had a knowing about how they truly felt about something, and had a hard time listening because something on the outside of them (for me today it was the clock, but sometimes it’s a boss, parent, partner, child, friend, etc) tells them it’s fine, when it’s not. It makes them doubt their own perceptions.
A gentle nudge today, to listen to yourself. Your * inner knowing* is wiser than you know…
(p.s. if you need a hand getting to know where this inner knowing resides, you can check out my journalling prompts here to help you get started! They have helped me SO much along my journey!)